At the Intersection of Spiritual Work + Human Doings

an esoteric update and personal reflections for going forward

This morning, I am processing and digesting from multiple days of immersion in a specific spiritual macro working that concluded overnight. I believe this is the first time such work has taken place so viscerally in my own body.

By in my own body I mean literally, my body and energy field acted as a containment field to lock in place the dark feminine queen or “queen of the damned” as she called herself gleefully.

This containment action was needed as the portal or stargate through which she would be returned to her home realm was still being readied by my cosmic brother.

My human was unaware until things were well underway of what my spirit was doing and had agreed to, which was to be the bait to trap her by opening up enough of my usual field cloaking for her to find me at all and then believe she could attack me.

But the attack was the trap, and she became stuck, like a fly on fly paper inside my field, as intended.

It was a painful experience for my body.

I was able to create an internal containment pod, made of the material of my own field shrunk down around her into a perfectly smooth pod with no corners or angles, like a glass elongated bubble of sorts.

This helped alot but I was unable to function much during these days as there was some dizziness and intense fatigue throughout.

Eventually, she was moved down from my head, where things had begun, until she was moved out last night through my root and ferried over to the stargate and sent away from these realms.

This process was handled in this particular manner to support the restructuring of Earth’s root as well as the clearing and restructuring of the human mitochondrial lines.

But this sharing isn’t actually about all that.

It’s about what has clarified for me in these early morning hours after a night of limited sleep in which the process concluded.

You might think that this morning I would feel jubilant. Victorious. Light and bright. I certainly expected to feel in some way similar to that.

Actually, I felt disgruntled and grumpy and let down.

Initially, I chalked this up to sleep deprivation but then I felt it was actually more about a need for a greater experience of being witnessed during the process (more on this later). My Leo moon showing up fierce! 😬🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Before I could sink into some sort of odd pity party (never, no thank you), I held my own frequency firm and steadied myself into greater neutrality. Something else was here and I would wait for it to arrive as always.

And then it happened. I opened my socials (I know, cringe, right? LOL) where someone had commented on a post of mine in which I had shared this quote that I adored entirely, being one who fully embraces this strategy from well before AI entered the picture.

( side note: PLEASE RELENTLESSLY BE + EXPRESS YOU, the true you, not the performative version seeking approval, inclusion, assimilation, power, significance outside of actual self…)

The commenter to my post mentioned loving Laura Matsue’s podcast. I had never heard of Matsue prior to having seen this shared in a meme round up, joyfully agreed with the position, and shared it with no other knowledge of the writer. So I went to her account and found that she writes here on substack as well. I was drawn to her article titled Reflections from the Spiritual War and specifically to this passage:

“By sharing my creativity primarily through new mediums, such as podcasts, meditations, video teachings, inner work practices, and social media, I lost the joy that long-form writing once brought me.”

In recent months and weeks, the call for me in my human doings has increasingly been first more towards THE REAL and more recently to cleave ever tighter to the energy line of ACCURACY that shoots vertically through all layers of reality directly from Source/God which I had been brought in to help amplify and strengthen in the macro a little over a week ago:

Energy Updates + A Special Gift

During that process, I was feeling many times that I wanted to cease all public-facing work other than my long-form writing and working with my highly gifted brain private clients (I love this work so much!).

Yet I have been struggling recently with my writing activity, this same thing I wanted to devote so fully into, which had become highly inconsistent with many days in a row of no writing at all.

Given my professional background and deep expertise in gifted creative expression, I had a hefty bench within to draw on in addressing this.

I could tell there was a mismatch between my actions and my dopamine.

My dopamine stores have been depleted for awhile and I knew they were sourcing from the wrong activities to at least some degree.

I contemplated the classic issue of whether a digital detox was needed, but this didn’t feel exactly right. It felt adjacent but not ACCURATE. Warm but not hot.

Then I read the above quote from Laura Matsue and felt that beautiful spark of clarity and recognition. BINGO!

For too long, my doings related to my transmitting and translating out into linearity have been done in modes that diffuse rather than concentrate and corral the flow through me!

This corralling of the firehose of the current through me is a core aspect of the human experience for those born with a gifted brain and I teach to it ALLLLL THE TIME in my client practice.

The three foundational pillars for gifted humans to have a satisfying quality of life are: essence, rhythms, signal.

When these are dialed in the core design of a human with a gifted brain can function properly.

That core design is to create and transmit.

A key create:transmit inquiry, which is a living inquiry that can morph over time and differ across context and content areas, is the question of what is the mode or method by which the creating and transmitting is occurring.

For example, perhaps you are dedicated to painting what wants to come through, but the actual modality that best supports your flow through is poetry. If that were true, painting would be challenging and perhaps even become painful. Once you discovered the poetry portal within you, you would feel not only the existential pleasure in the creating, but you might even find that painting suddenly becomes an easy and joyful adjunct.

Laura’s writing reminded me of this generally while also specifically crystallizing for me my own error of straying away from my own long form writing by overindulging in short form or easy style sharings.

This created a watered-down diffusion of my own flowthrough while simultaneously retraining my dopamine to seek these easier hits on the old dopamine crack pipe.

Friends, that is the perfect recipe for slippery slope disaster.

For the gifted, momentum is everything.

E VE R Y T H I N G.

But now I was not experiencing momentum in the most important area of my creative life: my stories. My books. My BABIES! Where was my birthing joy?!

And worse, when I would try and write, I couldn’t find the inner oomph to do so.

I would not say that writing is an effortless process for me.

The intense linearity of language is a strict task master for anyone living increasingly pandimensionally.

I do love when it’s flowing through and I am aware there is no other medium for what I MUST bring forward.

An old saw from writers giving advice to other writers or aspiring writers is to only write if you have to, if your life depends on it, because you feel you would die if you don’t get what is pulsing inside you expressed and out. I fully agree.

I was given the vision of The Stories of the Seven Stars in 2019. A massive download of data packets into my field that I am continually opening and organizing within me and then translating out into linearity.

(The first book, ELENTARI: A Cosmic Fairytale, was published one year ago almost to the day! Join me for a birthday party book club style celebration on June 4th! You can get updates on the stories here or read the book here.)

I also have had enormous nervous system work to do to allow my human to hold and honor the enormity of this vision, of this gift of embodying more and more of my full essence and function as a soul.

It is the highest human “doings” demand I now have and lives side by side with my primary prayer to be the most clear and clean instrument of Spirit possible for me in any given moment; this is my human beingness.

What does it all mean for me now in the practical? Well, we shall see, but I expect at a minimum it means I decrease any social media presence that isn’t more perfectly aligned with my own central writing work.

I know it also means I’ll be increasing my vigilance and interruption of easy dopamine hits that aren’t aligned with my core writing.

Hopefully, you understand how dopamine works. It is the neurotransmitter that fuels our motivation, our oomph to do things.

Dopamine doesn’t care what behaviors we train it to attach to and that choice is up to us and a key part of the struggle of humaning in the modern tech overload world where our dopamine pathways get hijacked by these algorithms actively hunting for our attention and relentlessly serving us more and more junk food for the brain that is actually more like heroin for the brain. Into detox we go… ha ha ha. This struggle is real and deserves your attention.

For some, it is easy to say, I’ll simply unplug from tech, from socials, from the interwebs, from visual stories via movies/tv. I respect this choice if it fits for someone’s create:transmit design.

For many of us, including me, it does not, so we must weave more refined discipline into our embodiment devotion.

Particularly those of us who know we are here to reach and impact many other lives through our creating, we need to be online.

I’ll keep living the question, as Rilke would urge me to do and I’ll keep you posted as I go…